Have you ever felt totally lost in life?
A place where nothing seems to go right?
That's how I felt many moons ago!
HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE? You ever looked in the mirror and said that? I was washing dishes for a living, I was a DMO. That's an acronym for Dish Machine Operator. What a fancy damn title! It was one of those times when you couldn't buy a Job around these parts and instead of starving I landed a gig washing dishes. I should had been grateful because I beat out 13 other guys for the job. Yet, gratitude didn't cross my mind.
What crossed my mind was guilt and self-pity.
While washing those dishes I questioned my entire life. This sucked in a major way! I wondered where I went wrong. If all this spiritual stuff I had studied was true, then how did I end up here? I used to be a Professional Clergyman, I once worked as a Professional salesman and I had been working in the Construction industry for the past ten years and had some really good jobs. How did I blow it all? Was this some kind of nasty karma that came to bite me on the ass? I messed up, I just didn't know where.
Nothing seemed to flow or go right in my life. I affirmed my faith but the shit kept hitting the fan. Looking back I was going through the trials...I feel there are trials one most face to ensure that we don't move too far ahead our current energy. We are moving to the next level and must go through the turbulence as we change the velocity of our energy.
Sometimes I feel if our hearts are pure our Angels speak to us through the mouths of other messengers on the path.
During a dark time spirit sent a messenger...in the form of a hippie!
He was a long haired hippie dude with a big ass smile on his face. I walked out to do some mopping and he was sitting at the restaurant counter sipping on a coffee. He said, "Hey, you're new here; what's your name"? I said, " I ain't nobody; I am just a dishwasher; just call me Dude". What he said floored me. He said, "Dude you are more than just a dishwasher, God has a plan for your life". He said it and hit me with a big smile. I felt a love, a joy and a peace radiating from him and touching my depressed heart.
I didn't know what do; so I just walked away.
Night after night he would be there with that same compelling smile. He carried a joy in his energy that was healing. I felt drawn to him. He always had something positive to say, something encouraging and would make me laugh. When I was around him I felt good, I felt safe, and I felt healed for a moment.
Finally I made my move to open up. I told him my life story. I told him of all my failures. I told him of my addictions and my binges. I opened up my closet and brought out every skeleton and laid it on the counter. I told him of my guilt, my shame and how I felt like a complete loser. I told him how I messed up my life.
He then flipped me out. He told me his story.
He told me how he was once a crack addict. He told me that his addiction messed up his entire life. He told me he once lived in a crack Motel in a shady part of our town. He said he would leave his 8 and 10 year old sons in the Motel while he would go to score crack. They would cry and beg him, "Daddy don't go, don't leave us here". He would then leave the room while his little boys would look out the window crying and screaming, "DADDY DON'T GO, DADDY DON'T LEAVE US"!.....He said it broke his heart, but still he went to score his crack.
I didn't know what the Hell to think. I was in shock.
He then looked at me with that big smile and said: "Dude, did you ever leave your Son in a Motel room in the worst part of town to score crack"?
"No, I've never even done crack".
"Dude, I used to be just like you. Full of guilt. Full of shame. Full of remorse. Once I got clean all I could see was the faces of those my little boys crying in that Motel window. Then one day God showed me that this is my story. This is what he saved me from and that I would tell people my story and people wouldn't feel as bad about their life. Dude, that's why he saved me from my addiction, so I could tell you my story and you wouldn't feel as bad".
He went on to say:
"Dude, you have an amazing story. One day you are going to tell your story and thousands of people will be touched by your story. Spirit is going to send you on a journey; on a pilgrimage; and one day you will tell your story when the time is right. Dude, never feel guilty about your story, because your story is going to make a difference in people's life."
I didn't know it then, but that journey would take around 1000 days; around 2 year and seven months. I always knew I wanted to write, I always knew I wanted to teach and I wanted to inspire others on the path. It just never felt like it was time. I had a stack of journals, just finished my final draft of The Prodigal Diaries and had an idea for a blog called Flower Power Spirituality. I didn't know how or when to start. Then the spirit send me another message. Someone told me:
"Sometimes you just got to finish what you started"
So I started my blog, published my book and jumped off the cliff trusting I could fly. I had to learn that , "Dude you are more than a dishwasher, God has a purpose for your life!