Friday, May 16, 2014

Death Is Your Ally

I didn't realize I had made a mistake until it was too late.

 I woke up that day around six in the morning and dropped my first hit of Acid. (That's LSD in case you didn't know)  Later that night I was coming down from my trip and ingested my second hit way too late. It was one of those trips where you came down hard; fast, and your head was started to ache. I couldn't resist the hit offered to me from the hot chic at the party; I wanted to impress her with my bad boy image. I messed up in a major way. I was headed for a bad trip. I entered the upstairs of the house that was the ultimate hippie den. Black lights, lava lamps, disco balls, and countless stolen street signs. The party was kicking as we hit bongs and listened to Pink Floyd scream from the huge speakers. That's when I flipped. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest and I started sweating profusely. I felt a darkness fall over me and fear gripped my heart. I stared at a stop sign and it started blinking at me and I heard I voice scream: Stop, Stop, Stop, you are going to die! The Stop, Stop, Stop scream coincided with each blink of the stop sign. I tried to move my head from the stop sign but I felt a force push my head back in the stop sign's vision. The voices would laugh and say, "Ha, Ha, you finally did it, you fucking OD'ed".

I finally was able to move my head from the stop sign and I rushed downstairs and found a friend. I told him he had to take me home; that I was freaking out. He said, "come on dude this is a kicking party, you don't want to leave." I offered him a 1/2 once of weed if he would drive me. He agreed and told the girls he would be back later after he, "got this pussy home". I got in the car and started to shake and sweat. All I could think about was the stop sign. He asked me if I was alright and I said, "Man, just get me fucking home".

I arrived at my house and went straight to the kitchen. My Mom said, "are you alright and where have you been all day. The school called so I know you wasn't there."  I said, " I've been around Mom, I don't feel good, I just need I sandwich".  I thought if I ate something it might bring me down. I made a ham sandwich and tried to eat it. When I tried to eat it turned into wood chips in my mouth. I freaked and I spit the wood chips out. It blew my mind seeing the wood chips on the counter. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and I jumped into my bed and got in the fetal position and started shaking. My Mom popped her head into my door and said, "Are you okay and why did you spit that sandwich all over the counter"?  I said, "I'm not feeling good and the sandwich tasted bad, just leave me alone".

I saw dark clouds enter my room and all I could hear was, "Stop, Stop,Stop, you are going to die". I stayed in that fetal position and just shook. I entered my room around 9:30PM and I shook in fear till 4:00AM in the morning. I knew death was coming for me; I knew I was going to die that night. I feel asleep and woke up alive. My friend swung around to pick me up around the crack of noon. Since I escaped death and to prove I wasn't a pussy; I dropped 2 hits of acid and started my day.

Some of us are hard headed. I escaped death and I had to prove I was hard core, right? I was only 15yrs old at the time and death seemed so far away.

Years later I sat in a dark room wondering why I had cancer and if I was going to die?

Few years later I discovered something while reading an old Wayne Dyer book and the concept had escaped me during the read several years ago. He reminded me that I was going to die.

I am going to die. My death is right by my side and waiting to tap me on the shoulder. One day this journey will be over and I must die to past on to my next evolution. I am going to die and I agreed to the concept before I came here. 

So with life so uncertain and death so certain I decided to use it to get into the present moment.

What if today is my last day? I accept that it might. I could die before I even hit publish on this post.

Our life is so short in terms of eternity and this experience is only a vapor in time. So what will you do with your time?

Will you live in fear?

Will you allow bad moods to rule you?

Will you get involved in the petty drama?

Will you choose to be unkind?

How will you spend your last day?

You can't live in fear and I think death is going to be a awesome experience if you prepare your self for the journey. I believe what you carry around inside of you now; will be your experience when you die. You have to be ready, you have to find peace, and you have to come to terms with the fact that you never know when it is going to be game over.

I don't fear death; because I choose life everyday. I know I am going to die and I don't know when. What I do know is I came here to collect experiences and I plan to live what I have left to the fullest. I will take advantage of each and every day. Everyday is a miracle and everyday is a gift. This world is a marvelous place and there is more than I can ever experience.

Remember, Life is Good! 


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