I have been waiting.
I view life as a Spiritual Journey and we are all here for a reason, right?
During my youth I began to question everything I believe. Where did it come from and was it correct? Everything I believed had been handed down to me. A tribe of people gave me a set of instructions to live by and prodigals don’t dig instructions. I rebelled from the tribe at age 12 and became a back street kid. I didn’t know it then, but that was one of my first spiritual journeys. Spiritual Journeys happen when you leave what is comfortable and take the risk of exploring something new. My Spirit elected the counter culture of the70’s drug scene; just the music alone of this experience was amazing. Later, I teamed up with two shady blokes and we formed the “Heathen Brothers”, we reaped havoc upon the community for some time.
At age 19 I crashed and burned. The drugs got to me. I never want to appear to be a kill joy and judge folks on their social and extracurricular activities; but please practice a sense of moderation. I do believe in living a moderate lifestyle. The Heathen Brothers and I broke all rules pertaining to moderation and self-control. Ferris Bueller says, “You can never take it too far.” He’s wrong. We took it way too far. Astronomical uses of LSD, a combination of drugs to cope, and making life a seven year keg party can cause one to lose focus.
I was spent.
So I CLICKED. I turned to my higher power. My problem was I didn’t know where to find him. So I made the rookie mistake of turning back to what ya know. I returned back to my tribe. I went to what was safe and comfortable. It was my only knowledge of God. I didn’t understand that the tribe had no desire to resurrect me….they wanted to reform me.
Tucked behind the smile and behind the eyes of my tribe they pictured me flawed.
I needed reformed.
I could be good; if I listened to their moral laced counsel.
I discovered in this tribe that, “Friends say they love you, if you do what they say.”
The tribe started with my long Hippie hair. They told me to cut my sinful long hair, straighten up and handed me a list of taboos containing activities not becoming of a tribe member. They then told me if I had any chance of being a man of the cloth I had to wear the standard issue monkey suit. Obey these rules or no pot luck for you!
I tried to do God the tribal way. I being an extremist decided to pursue the Ministry.
I tried my best to play by the rules of the tribe, but this little street kid inside me hated the rules, the fake people and men who love places of position. We had this bald headed Pharisee who was addicted to a religious spirit and loved sitting in places of power. He ran the whole gig and he had been sitting on the pot of power for a long time. I remember once he called me in on the carpet and reamed my ass with his sense of superiority. He and his council members judged me so harshly. The truth was this dude couldn’t even control his own family. His sons were drug addicts and completely out of control. I am not spreading a rumor about this man’s sons, the reason I know they were drug addicts is in my youth before I was a minister, I did drugs with them…at their Father’s church camp…right under the noses of everyone who kissed his righteous ass. I understand the plight of trying to raise rebellious children, but people living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. If you desire technicality, there is a verse in the Bible that says if a man can’t control his house, how can he lead the house of God? Still I suppressed the street kid who wanted nothing more than cussing my bald headed friend out, but I keep seeking approval. Now can’t believe I wasted many years of my life seeking the approval of the religious elite, I would have been better off telling them where and how hard to stick their religious bullshit.
This might sound harsh, but read the Gospels in the Bible and you will find Jesus wasn’t too keen on religious folks either!
Yet at that time in my life that religious brain washing was all I knew.
I just kept seeking approval, tried to fit into the tribal mold and sought the praise of the people.
I began to teach the teens of the tribe and the tribe even paid me to do it. I was a man of the cloth baby! I learned the correct 16 Doctrines of Fundamental Truths, acquired the proper look, and jumped clumsily through their hoops.
I had trouble fitting in…you ever felt like you didn’t fit? If so that’s why you are attracted to these teachings…you don’t fit the tribal mold.
At age 33 I crashed and burned. The seeking of approval got to me. My life in the ministry was spiked with failure; I just couldn’t keep my shit together and couldn’t live up to the standards. I was a screw up on a massive level and messed up on a regular basis. More than one I was called in on the carpet for telling a joke not becoming of a man of God. I felt guilty, but deep inside I knew it was really damn funny! I really couldn’t handle Sunday pot luck.
So I bucked!
I walked away into a wilderness. Lost and defeated….Given up…. I didn’t even CLICK!
I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t even know how to not give a Fuck.
I learned how to not care by wondering around in a total state of despair.
Have you ever been trapped in despair?
If you reach the point where you really don’t give a fuck, then you have arrived at a plot point in your life. Do you pick door A or B?
A.) Fuck it?
I picked B and Clicked, and discovered the Inner Doorway.
January 1998 I was awakened. I hit CLICK. I was seeking total freedom from something I felt missing in my life. I went on a 15 year Spiritual Journey searching for personal freedom. I studied tons of spiritual paths and read a truck load of books.
I still carried a ton of guilt and shame. Religious brain washing and approval seeking behavior is hard to shake!
I was seeking, yet really didn’t know what I was looking for in the process. I felt something was missing in my life and that missing thing gnawed at me!
For 15 years I Clicked, until I walked through the doorway, I found an exit door that lead to the source and I exited the emotions of the physical plane winning my freedom.
I found the answer to my missing thing.
What is this missing thing?
You ever felt something missing?
The question forced me to extensively process my life. The stacks of journals, old tattered books, provided some insight into my inner deprive. I began to ask questions, because questions are beautiful things. They expand our mind, open doorways, and trigger our brains. What and where is my missing thing?
Was it knowledge? Do I seek out new knowledge? Should I retrace my steps, my spiritual roots, and see if I missed a key point. What if I believed the wrong stuff? I had layers of experiences to crystalize my faith, but I just didn’t know. Do you throw out everything you have learned and start from scratch? I even spent around a year where I did nothing, and practiced no Spiritual routines. Still I had a yearning, a deep sense of my Spirituality, and felt void doing nothing. So I keep searching, I kept clicking.
I felt like I missed something…do you ever feel like you are missing something?
Was it my relationships? Or was I looking for a place to lay the blame for my apparent missing thing? What If it had nothing to do with blame? What if I was in the wrong relationship? Can others hold you back I wondered? When you enter any type of relationship with anyone you complete a metaphysical unit. Your thought forms blend together to create a collected consciousness. You both project your beliefs into life, and life sends you a print out of what you two believe. So if one of you is positive and one of you negative, then you’re conflicting though forms blend. If you take white paint and sling it on the wall and your partner slings black paint, you’ll inherit some black spots. They were part of your thought form intersperse.
Maybe I’m in the wrong relationship…you ever thought that?
Relationships should never be a struggle. That’s Boyfriends, Husbands, Wife, Family, Friends and any associate. You might experience difficulties, encounter changes and grow somewhat apart, but you should never struggle. It’s not your Divine Design to grapple with drama, bitching, complaining and damage control. Sometimes the fool doing the damage control catches more hell than the Drama Diva that started it. Your Spiritual DNA is peace, love, joy, and etc…you know the stuff. A daily dose of drama destroys ones destiny. You can’t evolve in a toxic energy pattern. It’s a lot like rowing up stream, you just find yourself maintaining. Relationships should be a drama free zone.
Was it my past actions? Have I caught a nasty case of karma? Every thought, word, feeling and deed creates my Spiritual Seed. My life force is a seed that contains creative power and attracts to me the events of my life. Every place I go I am planting seeds. If I flip out and lose it on a sales clerk, bringing her to tears, then I sow a seed. I don’t know how or when, but I will reap something back from my temper tantrum. When I began to understand how delicate the Universal Law vibrates; attracting every little word, thought form, action and experience back to me I started to develop a sense of reverence….A sense of fear and respect for its power…That’s what the My Wise Dude Solomon was talking about in the bible, when he said, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” It’s not as much fear, as it is respect for the power. Every day we create our Destiny.
I felt a past mistake was causing my current reality woes….you ever looked back?
How do I pin point my problem?
First let define what I mean by “Problem”, by, “Something Missing.” You have a dream, a desire, a goal, a vision, a Divine Mental Picture of how you view your life in its desired form. I call it an inner blue print to construct your Destiny. Everyone has this Divine Design within them. Most of the souls on this planet are asleep. They are products of the environment they inhabit. They don’t have a clue concerning the purpose of their life; all they know is Bubba’s has dollar drafts from 11:00am TO 5:00pm. Once you wake up and pursue a higher purpose you create a vision for your life. Problems and “Something Missing”, happen when there is a contradiction pertaining to WHO YOU ARE, and WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You develop problems, you feel “Something Missing”, when your life doesn’t jive with the Inner You. These feelings both consciously and Sub-consciously create your problem, your wall, your mountain, your giant, your contradiction concerning your life.
Dude, it just doesn’t feel right.
Something not feeling right is an inner warning signal. To walk the Spiritual path one must become very in touch with their feelings. Instead of thinking your way around, you begin to start feeling your way around. You have to make it a habit to check your hunches. It’s like the rebel TV police detective, he never really has evidence, he only has a hunch and he goes out and proves his hunches right.
Walking in the spirit is all about proving your hunches right.
So if you feel something missing you have to start working with those feelings.
What do you want?
If you feel something is missing in your life then there must be something you want, right?
Have you ever sat down and made a list of what you wanted?
You have to become very clear concerning what you want. This clarity allows you to place all your will behind your intended desire.
Maybe you need to make a list.
A list of what you want…Your dreams, your desires, your ambitions, your vision, and the complete picture of desired outcome for your life.
Do you have a list? This is important, you can’t skip it, or your dreams might skip past you.
Why do you want it?
Now, why do you want it?
Now, beside each item on your list write down your why?
Why do you want what you think you want?
It’s a legitimate question you know? Some people have a vague idea of what they want. They have pretty much accepted their lot in life and have really no clue to what they want. They just came to the conclusion that life sucks and they blame what ever political party is in power at the time for their misfortune. I heard stats that if you walked up to 100 men in the street and asked them what they wanted out of life, most would reply with a vague answer. They would say happiness, more money, better job, better wife, etc. You would only find 3 out of 100 that had a goal for their life. Then only one out of the 3 had developed a plan for its attainment.
That’s a mind blower; nobody really knows what they want?
If that is so, then even fewer know why they want it.
Why, do you want the things you do?
How do you really know what you want?
If you have never had something and you use all your power to manifest it, will it bring you the fulfillment you seek?
Have you ever wanted something so bad and when you finally got it you wonder why you wanted it in the first place? Ladies, I’m not referring to your x-husbands here, but I guess it would apply.
Back in the day I wondered onto a car lot and landed a gig selling cars. (I hope you down think less of me…I was after the demo) Well this darling young couple who could have landed a gig on teen mom showed up gracefully on the lot. She was a 17 year old gem sporting Daisy Dukes accented with bikini top smoking a Marlboro Red while hauling a 1 year old boy by the collar of his shirt and dragging a 2 year old boy on a child’s leash. Trust me the boy needed the leash. The hubby was a 14 year old boy in a 19 year old man’s body. He had on bib overalls, no shirt, and had them tucked in mud covered work boots. I calculated his height and weight, threw in the age factor, and had him pegged at about 8 beers in. He spit a stream of tobacco that would have made the outlaw Josey Wales jealous, while telling me he wanted the new 1992 3 quarter ton 4 wheel drive Chevy 2500, and informed me that he had a damn co-signer. He was trading in his 1985 Chevette for his damn truck. The young wife loved the truck, but didn’t know if they could really afford the huge payment and higher insurance. She wanted to wait and think about it, or maybe get a cheaper used truck. Young Studley gracefully spit in his chew cup as he sternly stomped towards her while dry mud crumbled off his boots with each stomp. He then went for his academy award performance. “Damn it” He Shouted, “I work too damn hard to drive a piece of shit car like that, and I ain’t havin’ no used truck, no sir, who wants another man’s problems? He then dug deep into his character with his finger straight in her face and he firmly whispered, “My friends are going to see me pull up in that damn truck tonight, you can bet your life on that, I’ll make the damn payments.” They became proud owners of a brand new Chevy truck.
That was on a Saturday.
The Next Saturday
Studley wants to bring the truck back.
He used to drive 1 hour to work in his 1985 Chevette
The 1992 3 quarter 4 wheel drive Chevy 2500 didn’t play nice at the gas pumps.
The one hour drive…how was he to know?
Study couldn’t afford the gas.
What if what you think what you want, isn’t what you want?
Is it better to get, or get rid of?
A lot of people embark upon a Spiritual Journey seeing what they can get.
That’s part of it. You came here to get something.
God has something for you to get.
There are things here you will need.
You get them by finding what you really need to get.
You can get them man’s way….with the earthly mind, but still not get it.
You can get them using spiritual laws…mixed with part earthly mind, but still not get it.
If you use your spirituality to only get things, when you get those things, where resides their purpose?
What if we have it backwards?
What is spiritual power requires you subtract, before you attract?
You want to discover what you want?
Try getting rid of what you don’t want.
Get rid of stuff…do you have too many attachments?
Negative influences…have any of these?
Hidden anger….what do you think?
Guilt & Shame….got any hanging around?
Remorse…wish you could do things different?
Anxiety…how ya feel?
Pride…do you worry what they think of you?
Greed…how hard is your heart?
Ego….still got some?
Fear….you not scared, are you?
Doubts…starting to worry?
Do you need to get rid of anything?
It’s a legitimate question.
Can I ask you an honest question?
Should you worry more about what’s missing in your life, or more about what you need to dismiss in your life?
If you get rid of all that stuff, will you be able to clearly see what you really need to get, right?
Is it time to use my spiritual power “to get”, or “to get rid of?”
It’s a legitimate question.
Why are you CLICKING?
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